Why Finding the Right Therapist FOR YOU May Take Time (And That's Okay)

Let me tell you about Maya (not her real name). She came to me after trying three other therapists over two years. Each time, she'd attended a few sessions, felt something was off, and eventually stopped going. By the time she reached out to me, she felt defeated.

"Maybe I'm just not cut out for therapy," she said in our first conversation. "Maybe the problem is me."

I stopped her right there. "The problem isn't you," I told her. "The problem is that therapy only works when you find the right fit—and that can take time."

Maya's story isn't unusual. In fact, it's incredibly common, though most people don't talk about it. We hear success stories about people who found their "perfect therapist" on the first try, but we rarely hear about the more typical journey: trying a few therapists, feeling unsure, maybe giving up, then trying again.

Today, I want to normalize that experience. Finding the right therapist for you may take time and a few hits and misses—and that's not a failure on your part. It's simply part of the process.

Why Therapist-Client Fit Matters So Much

Here's something that might surprise you: research consistently shows that a strong therapeutic alliance is one of the most important predictors of positive treatment outcomes. In fact, the quality of the therapeutic relationship often predicts outcomes better than the specific techniques used.

Let that sink in. The connection between you and your therapist matters more than whether they use cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodynamic therapy, or narrative approaches. The relationship itself is the foundation upon which all therapeutic work happens.

A good client-therapist fit enhances the effectiveness of therapy, making it easier to open up, trust the process, and engage in the sometimes uncomfortable work of change and growth.

But what does "fit" actually mean? It's not about finding a therapist who agrees with everything you say or never challenges you. It's about finding someone whose style, approach, personality, and values align enough with yours that you feel safe being vulnerable, heard when you speak, and supported as you grow.

And here's the thing: that's deeply personal and subjective. A therapist who's perfect for your best friend might not click with you at all. That doesn't mean they're a bad therapist or that you're a bad client—it just means the chemistry isn't right.

What "Fit" Actually Looks Like

When people talk about finding the "right" therapist, they're usually referring to several interconnected elements:

Therapeutic Style and Approach

Some therapists are very directive, offering concrete tools and homework. Others are more reflective, helping you explore and discover your own insights. Some integrate multiple approaches, while others specialize deeply in one modality.

Neither style is better—they're just different. And you might respond better to one than the other depending on your personality, needs, and what you're working on.

For example, if you're someone who wants practical coping strategies for anxiety, a therapist who mostly asks exploratory questions without offering tools might frustrate you. Conversely, if you're seeking deep self-understanding, a therapist who focuses only on surface-level symptom management might feel insufficient.

Personality and Communication Style

Therapists are human beings with distinct personalities. Some are warm and nurturing. Others are more straightforward and direct. Some use humor; others are more serious. Some talk a lot; others create space for silence.

You might connect with someone whose energy matches yours, or you might benefit from someone whose style complements and balances yours. The important thing is that their personality doesn't trigger discomfort or defensiveness that makes it harder for you to be open.

Cultural Competence and Identity Understanding

If aspects of your identity—your cultural background, religion, sexual orientation, gender identity, disability, or other factors—are important to your experience, you need a therapist who understands or at least demonstrates genuine interest in understanding your context.

For LGBTQIA+ individuals, finding a queer-affirmative therapist rather than someone who's merely "tolerant" can be transformative. For people from marginalized communities, working with a therapist who understands systemic oppression matters.

For people navigating intercultural experiences, cultural sensitivity is crucial.

You shouldn't have to educate your therapist on basic aspects of your identity or defend your lived experience. That's work you do outside therapy, not within the therapeutic space that's supposed to support you.

Values Alignment

While therapists should never impose their values on clients, some degree of values alignment matters—particularly around core issues like autonomy, social justice, family structures, or spiritual beliefs.

If you value therapy as a space to question societal norms, but your therapist consistently reinforces traditional expectations, you'll likely feel misaligned. If you want support navigating away from your family of origin, but your therapist emphasizes family obligation above all else, tension will arise.

The Intangible "Click"

Beyond all these concrete factors, there's something intangible—a feeling of connection, of being understood, of trusting this person with your vulnerability. It's hard to define, but you usually know when it's there and when it's not.

This isn't about romantic chemistry or even necessarily liking your therapist as you'd like a friend. It's about feeling that this person can hold space for you, that they genuinely care about your wellbeing, and that working together feels right.

Why the First Therapist Often Isn't "The One"

Given how important fit is, why do so many people struggle to find it immediately?

Limited Options in Your Area

If you're looking for in-person therapy, you're limited to therapists practicing near you. In smaller cities or towns, options may be extremely limited. Even in larger cities like Thane or Mumbai, finding a therapist with the right specialization, availability, and approach can be challenging.

Online therapy expands options significantly—you can work with therapists anywhere in India—but it still requires knowing what you're looking for and where to search.

Not Knowing What You Need

When you're new to therapy, you might not know what approach or style would work best for you. You're navigating blind, trying to make an important decision without enough information.

It's like trying to order at a restaurant where you've never tasted any of the dishes and the menu is in a language you're still learning. You make your best guess, but you won't really know until you try it.

Therapist Availability and Waitlists

Even when you find a therapist who seems perfect on paper, they might not have availability. Many experienced therapists have waitlists. You might end up choosing someone who's available rather than someone who's the best fit.

Marketing Doesn't Always Match Reality

A therapist's website or online profile can only tell you so much. Their actual style, energy, and approach in person may differ from how they present online. You won't know until you're actually in the room (or on the video call) with them.

Your Needs Evolve

Sometimes, a therapist is right for where you are at one point in your journey but not right for where you need to go next. The therapist who helped you through a crisis might not be the right person to support long-term deeper work, or vice versa.

It's Not Always Clear Immediately

Therapeutic relationships take time to develop. Sometimes what feels slightly uncomfortable in session one is actually productive discomfort that leads to growth. Other times, discomfort is a sign that something's genuinely not working.

Distinguishing between these can take a few sessions—which means you might invest time before realizing it's not the right fit.

Signs It Might Not Be the Right Fit

How do you know when to keep trying with a therapist versus when to move on? Here are signs that the fit might not be right:

You Don't Feel Safe Being Honest

If you find yourself censoring what you share, avoiding certain topics, or presenting a version of yourself that feels inauthentic because you're worried about the therapist's judgment or reaction, that's a problem.

Therapy requires vulnerability. If the relationship doesn't feel safe enough for honesty, the work will be limited.

You Feel Consistently Misunderstood

Everyone has moments of feeling like their therapist didn't quite get something. But if you consistently feel like you're not being heard or understood, like you're speaking different languages, that's worth paying attention to.

The Therapist's Approach Doesn't Match Your Needs

If you need practical tools but only get philosophical discussions, or you want deep exploration but only get surface-level advice, the mismatch will frustrate both of you.

You Feel Judged or Criticized

A therapist should challenge you sometimes—that's part of growth. But challenge should feel supportive, not judgmental. If you feel criticized, shamed, or like the therapist is siding against you, that's a red flag.

Cultural or Identity Disconnect Creates Barriers

If you constantly need to explain or defend aspects of your identity, if the therapist makes insensitive comments, or if they don't understand crucial aspects of your lived experience, you'll spend energy educating rather than healing.

You Don't Feel Better Over Time

Therapy isn't always comfortable, and sometimes things feel worse before they get better. But over several months, you should notice some positive movement—in your mood, relationships, coping skills, or self-understanding. If you don't, something might be off.

Your Gut Says Something's Wrong

Even if you can't articulate exactly what it is, if something consistently feels off, trust that instinct. Your intuition about relationships—including therapeutic ones—matters.

The Therapist Isn't Responsive to Feedback

If you've tried bringing up concerns or suggesting adjustments and the therapist becomes defensive, dismissive, or doesn't take your feedback seriously, that's a significant problem. Good therapists welcome feedback and work collaboratively.

Signs It Might Be the Right Fit

On the flip side, here's what the right fit often feels like:

You Feel Safe Enough to Be Vulnerable

Even when it's difficult, you feel you can share honestly without fear of judgment.

You Feel Heard and Understood

Your therapist seems to "get" you, even when you struggle to articulate things clearly.

You're Making Progress

Over time, you notice shifts—maybe small ones, but they're there. You're developing new insights, trying different approaches, or feeling gradual improvement.

Difficult Sessions Still Feel Productive

Sometimes therapy is uncomfortable or challenging, but even hard sessions leave you feeling like you've moved forward, not just stirred up.

You Trust the Process

You might not always enjoy therapy, but you trust that it's valuable and that your therapist is genuinely invested in your wellbeing.

Cultural and Identity Factors Feel Understood

You don't have to explain yourself constantly. The therapist demonstrates understanding of your context and identity.

You Feel Empowered, Not Dependent

Good therapy helps you develop your own skills and insights, not just rely on the therapist to fix things. You should feel increasingly capable, not increasingly dependent.

You Look Forward to Sessions (Mostly)

You might sometimes dread bringing up a difficult topic, but generally, you feel positive about your sessions and the work you're doing.

The "Give It Time" vs. "Move On" Dilemma

So here's the tricky question: How long should you give a therapist before deciding whether it's a good fit?

There's no perfect answer, but here are some guidelines:

Give It 3-4 Sessions Minimum

The first session is often about assessment and getting to know each other. The second and third sessions start to reveal what working together will actually be like. By session three or four, you should have a clearer sense of whether this feels right.

But Trust Significant Red Flags

If something feels seriously wrong—you feel unsafe, discriminated against, or fundamentally misunderstood—you don't need to stick it out for multiple sessions. Some red flags warrant immediate change.

Consider the Depth of Your Concerns

Are you feeling general discomfort (which might be productive discomfort from being vulnerable) or specific concerns about the therapist's approach, competence, or understanding? The latter warrants more serious consideration.

Bring Up Your Concerns

Before deciding to leave, try bringing your concerns into the therapy room. "I'm feeling like we're not connecting on this" or "I'm not sure your approach is what I need" are legitimate things to say. How the therapist responds to this feedback tells you a lot.

Recognize That "Not Right" Doesn't Mean "Bad"

A therapist can be skilled, compassionate, and effective with other clients while still not being the right fit for you. It's not about them being bad at their job—it's about the specific chemistry between you.

How to Navigate "Therapist Shopping" Without Guilt

Many people feel guilty about "shopping around" for therapists, as if trying multiple people makes them difficult or uncommitted. Let me be clear: finding the right fit is smart, not selfish.

Reframe It as Self-Advocacy

Searching for the right therapist isn't being picky—it's taking your mental health seriously enough to ensure you're getting effective support. You wouldn't feel guilty about getting a second medical opinion or trying different medications until you found one that worked. Therapy is no different.

Be Transparent

You don't owe every therapist you consult a detailed explanation for why you're not continuing, but you can be honest: "I'm still figuring out what I need from therapy" or "I don't think we're the right fit, but I appreciate your time."

Use Initial Consultations Strategically

Many therapists offer brief initial consultations. Use these to ask questions, explain what you're looking for, and get a sense of whether their approach aligns with your needs before committing to ongoing sessions.

Keep Notes

After consultations or first sessions with different therapists, jot down your impressions. What did you like? What felt off? What questions do you still have? This helps you compare and make informed decisions.

Give Yourself Permission to Change

Even if you've been seeing someone for a while, if it's not working, you can change therapists. You're not locked in. Your wellbeing takes priority over avoiding awkwardness.

Know That Therapists Understand

Professional therapists know that fit matters and that not every client-therapist pairing works. They won't be offended by you seeking a better match. In fact, many of us will help you find someone more suitable if we're not the right fit.

Special Considerations for Finding Fit in India

The Indian context presents some unique challenges and considerations:

Limited Awareness of Therapy Diversity

Many people in India aren't aware that therapists have different approaches and styles. They might assume all therapy is the same, so when one doesn't work, they give up entirely rather than trying someone with a different approach.

Stigma Around "Therapist Shopping"

In a culture where changing doctors frequently is sometimes viewed negatively, switching therapists can feel especially uncomfortable. But therapy is different—the relationship is the intervention. Finding the right relationship is essential.

Smaller Professional Communities

In smaller cities, therapist options may be limited, and the mental health community can be tight-knit. You might worry about word getting around or running into your former therapist. This is where online therapy becomes particularly valuable.

Cultural Competence Varies Widely

Not all therapists in India are equipped to understand diverse cultural contexts, regional differences, religious considerations, or LGBTQIA+ identities. Finding culturally competent care often requires specifically seeking it out.

Language Matters

While many therapists operate in English, being able to work in your preferred language—whether that's Hindi, Marathi, or another regional language—can significantly impact how deeply you can engage with therapy.

My Perspective: Why I Encourage Clients to Find Their Right Fit

As a therapist in Thane offering both in-person and online services, I genuinely want every person who reaches out to me to find the right support—even if that's not with me.

In initial consultations, I'm always honest about whether I think we're a good fit.

Sometimes, someone needs a specialization I don't have. Sometimes, my approach doesn't match what they're looking for. Sometimes, the chemistry just isn't there. In those cases, I'll often suggest other therapists or resources.

Why? Because I know that therapy only works when the relationship works. I'd rather you find the right fit elsewhere than continue with me out of obligation while making minimal progress.

I integrate narrative therapy with queer-affirmative practice and draw on cognitive hypnotic psychotherapy and NLP techniques. That combination works beautifully for some people—particularly those who value exploration, storytelling, and empowerment over directive advice. But it's not everyone's cup of tea, and that's completely okay.

When you contact me, whether for online therapy or in-person sessions in Thane, I want you to feel comfortable asking questions, expressing concerns, and ultimately deciding whether working together feels right. That's not disrespectful—it's smart.

Practical Tips for Finding Your Right Therapist

Here's how to approach the search strategically:

Get Clear on What You Need

Before searching, reflect on:

• What are you hoping to work on?

• Do you prefer practical tools or deeper exploration?

• Are there identity factors (culture, sexuality, gender, religion) that need understanding?

• Do you want someone warm and nurturing or more straightforward?

• Do you prefer online or in-person sessions?

Search Strategically

Look for therapists who explicitly mention specializations relevant to you. If you're LGBTQIA+, search specifically for "queer-affirmative" or "LGBTQ-affirming" therapists. If you're dealing with trauma, look for trauma-informed practitioners.

Don't just pick the first name on a directory—read their about pages, note their training and approach, and see if their language resonates with you.

Prepare Questions for Consultations

In initial calls or consultations, ask:

• What's your approach to therapy?

• Have you worked with people dealing with [your specific issue]?

• What does a typical session look like?

• How do you handle [specific concern, like family involvement, medication, etc.]?

• What's your experience with [relevant identity factors]?

Try 3-4 Sessions Before Deciding

Unless there are serious red flags, give it a few sessions to get past initial awkwardness. But if by session four you're still not feeling it, it's okay to move on.

Communicate Your Needs

If something's not working, speak up. Good therapists want to know and will work with you to adjust or will support you in finding a better fit.

Use Online Therapy to Expand Options

If local options are limited, online therapy opens up possibilities across India. You can find specialists, specific approaches, or cultural competence that might not be available in your immediate area.

When You Find the Right Fit: What Changes

When you finally find the right therapist, you'll likely notice:

Therapy feels easier: Not because the content is easy, but because the relationship provides a foundation of safety that makes difficult work possible.

You're more open: You find yourself sharing things you've never told anyone, not because the therapist is prying, but because the space feels safe enough.

Progress accelerates: With the right fit, change often happens more quickly because you're able to engage more fully.

You trust the process: Even when sessions are hard, you maintain faith in the therapeutic relationship and process.

You feel genuinely supported: Not just understood intellectually, but held emotionally as you navigate challenges.

Final Thoughts: Your Journey Is Valid

If you've tried multiple therapists and haven't found the right fit yet, I want you to hear this: You're not broken. You're not difficult. You're not "bad at therapy."

You're simply being discerning about one of the most important relationships you'll have—the relationship that supports your mental health and personal growth.

Finding the right therapist sometimes takes time and a few misses. That's not a bug in the system—it's a feature of finding a relationship that truly works for you.

The right therapist is out there. The right fit exists. And when you find it, you'll know—because therapy will feel less like an obligation and more like a genuine partnership in your healing and growth.

Keep looking. Keep trying. Keep believing that you deserve support that truly fits you.

Because you do.

Still searching for the right therapist fit? The Candid Therapist offers initial consultations to help you determine if we're a good match. I specialize in narrative therapy, queer-affirmative counseling, and relationship work, offering both online therapy throughout India and in-person sessions in Thane.

Not sure if we're the right fit? That's okay. Reach out with your questions, and I'll be honest about whether my approach aligns with what you're looking for. And if it doesn't, I'm happy to suggest other resources.

Your healing journey deserves the right support. Let's figure out together if that's me—or if I can help you find someone who is.

The Candid Therapist believes that finding the right therapeutic fit is essential to healing. With training in Narrative Practices, Queer Affirmative Counseling, and Cognitive Hypnotic Psychotherapy, I offer both online and in-person therapy in Thane, always prioritizing honest communication about whether we're the right match for your unique needs and journey.